Are Kids More Sexual Today?

There is alot of talk these days about how kids become sexually active younger these days. So I ask do you really think kids today are any different than we were when we were that age?

Obviously the media directed to our youth has much more of an influence today than it did when I was young but I think that may not be entirely bad. Kids today are much better informed about drugs, sex, and drinking than we ever were. When I grew up the word "rubbers" was whispered and today the word "condoms" is used often and not in hushed tones.

Growing up I knew what "rubbers" were and yes there was the pill, but it's not something we talked about. Girls my age were considered trashy if it was known we were having sex, but boys were considered studs. My mom talks about girls that got pregnant in her day, having to go visit their "aunts" for the duration of the pregnancy. And many of us were having sex back then, but there was no sex education in school and we were taught to save ourselves for marriage.

Today many of us have open discussions with our teenagers about sex. Yes, we even talk to our kids about safe sex. Young girls having sex today are not considered the sluts of the world and I think it's safe to say this sterotyping is finally fading from our society. Sure there are still many parents that expect abstinence from their teens but there are more of us today than there were years ago that accept teen sexuality and promote safe sex.

I do not think teens today are really any different than they were when i was growing up, however I think the media has done a better job of educating both teens and parents, and has made sexuality a topic that can be discussed more openly and not in hushed tones. Can you imagine the public reaction if condom ads and birth control ads appeared on TV 20 years ago? And who ever heard the words "erectile dysfunction" back then? Today human sexuality is a topic that can be discussed and our kids are much better informed than we were. Kids aren't having more sex today than we did, it is just more accepted today and our kids are better educated than we ever were.

So instead of blaming the media for teen sexuality, thank the media for making sex a topic that can be discussed openly.

The Backseat of the Car

An old high school girlfriend was in town for the holidays and we had a chance to catch up over a few drinks. As we were reminiscing over some of our high school episodes she brought up "planters hill" which really wasn't a hill but it's the place everyone "back in the day" went to make out with their boyfriends. Sadly Planters Hill is now a development.

But as we laughed and drank our wine we talked about our exploits in the backseats of our boyfriend's cars and I thought it would be a good subject to blog about. Nooooo I'm not going into the x rated details so if that's what you were looking for you will be disappointed. It does however bring up the subject about teens and how many teens did and still do experience their sexuality.

For many teens, the back seat of the car is really the only place they can have their privacy to engage in intimate relations. Again I'm not advocating that teens have sex, I'm just stating that if teens want to have sex they are going to. But is this where we want our teens to learn about and experience sex? First off it's not a very comfortable environement (unless the teens are gymnasts) and parking in a deserted area is not a very safe place to engage in this type of activity. In addition, having intimate relations while constantly listening for other cars or the noises in the dark, definitely takes much of the romance out of a romantic situation.

Now I'm sure there are some parents that believe that the more uncomfortable the situation is the less likeley the teens will be to have sex. But remembering my jaded past, tells me that the sex will still occur but it will be more of a purely sexual act than a passionate romantic loving encounter.

As I've said before, I have always wanted my girls to understand and experience the beauty of having sex once they were in committed and loving relationships. Anyone that has read any of my posts knows that I don't condone teen sex but I do accept that it will happen, and I want my kids to know that sex can be wonderful, fun, healthy and fulfilling.

So do we want our kids to experience physical intimacy in the backseat of a car or should we allow them their privacy to enjoy and explore their sexuality in a safe and comfortable environment?

Safe Sex Really Can Be Safe Sex

So many times you hear parents saying that the only safe sex is abstinence. They put the fear of God into their kids heads about std's and getting pregnant that they miss out, or at least in my opion, they miss out on letting their children grow into happy healthy well adjusted adults.

Most common forms of birth control these days are 99.9% reliable when used correctly. Yes there are some that are not quite as effective but when talking about the pill, the patch, depo, the nuva ring and others, the reliability is proven...but they must be used correctly. The same with condoms, when handled and used properly. (condoms are stated to be 85-98% effective but the testing does not include proper handling or usage.)

So what I'm saying, if you have a belief system that premarital sex is wrong, that's ok explain that to your children but do not use the fear tactic of there is no such thing as safe sex. Everyone has their own beliefs that they try to instill in their children and that is a parent's job.

If on the other hand you have come to the realization that your children do or might someday have sex, then education on the proper use of birth control and condoms is so very important. You can't just say here are the condoms good luck and have fun. And you just can't send your daughter to Planned Parenthood and hope she gets on something. Oviously it's important to talk to the gyn about what method is best for each girl and do your research, but most women can find something that is to their liking. And don't forget to talk about the need for condoms and their proper usage. There is much more to know than just sliding it on the male partner.

The point of this blog, (c'mon get to it Barb) is that yes there is such a thing as safe sex for both teens and adults. If your child is sexually active, do your research and talk to your gyn, and explain in detail the proper use of birth control to your teen. It's even better if you have the discussion with both your teenager and his or her partner at the same time. It's important that in any relationship both parties have a full understanding. If your like me and your kids understand the proper use of birth control, then you can relax in the knowledge that your children will be safe and can learn to explore and enjoy their sexuality without worry. And even if you do not believe in premarital sex, please do not scare your children into thinking that if they have sex they will get an std or become pregnant.

Just my thoughts for the day! Love me or hate me, I'm Barb!

What Do You Teach Your Kids About Sex?

For many parents, it's hard enough to talk to their kids about sex but should you teach them about sex as well? Hopefully most parents discuss the emotional consequences of sex, std's, pregnancies etc. And we all have to discuss sex with our kids in the framework of what we as parents believe. But once the basics are covered and we are accepting of our teenagers sexual activity, what kind of conversations do we have next?

Anyone reading this probably knows that I think sex should be a wonderful enjoyable experience in committed relationships, whether it be adult or teen relationships. I've always explained to my kids the importance of:

1. Continually talking to their partner about sex.
2. Exploration..learning what both parties enjoy and not being afraid to try new things.
3. Understanding that both parties in a relationship need to feel fulfilled, it's not just a one way street.
4. Being aware that sex is only one part of a healthy relationship.

It's also important to realize that all kids are different. My oldest daughter is much more private and our conversations regarding sex are usually brief and limited, although she does know that I'm always willing to listen if she wants to talk. My 16 yr old on the other hand, is my talkative and inquisitive one. Although she does talk alot and has always had many questions, in most cases I don't pry into the specifics of her sex life, there are somethings that even i don't want to know lol.

But with both my girls I have always felt that the sex talk needs to go beyond the safe sex aspects. It's important that they know how important it is that both parties talk about sex and just don't do it without any conversation. Explaining what is enjoyable and what isn't is what keeps a relationship evolving and growing. Being willing to explore various activities is the only way we find out what gives us pleasure and what does not. There are many resources for all of us to learn about new techniques or different activities. There are books, movies and online sites that are wonderful resources for people of all ages. Especially in the teen years, what they learn now is the basis for healthy relationships as they get older. And kids need to know that both partners have needs that should be taken care of, and a good understanding of the others needs is so important. And most importantly, sex is good, sex is fun, sex is exhilarating but there is much more to any relationship than just good sex.

I think if we can make our kids aware of the above, they will develop into emotionally healthy, happy adults with a strong sense of who they are and this will go a long way into developing strong relationships in the future.

Europeans Treatment of Teen Sex vs Americans

I recently read an article which stated that Americans look at teen sex as a risky experience while the Europeans feel that teen sex is a pleasurable experience. I think the Europeans hit the nail on the head. The only caveat that I'm making in this post is that, teen sex should be safe and consensual.

Although I'm sure even in Europe that parents don't encourage their children to have sex, they realize that if it happens there is nothing wrong with it. Bravo. What is so wrong with children seeking pleasure? It's a normal desire for both children and adults. Many adults seek pleasure through many activities such as smoking, drinking, laughter, and yes sex. So why can't we understand that children have the same need to seek pleasure just like us. When children are young they seek their physical pleasure from sucking their thumbs, and having a "binkie," and as they grow they learn about masturbation. After the onset of puberty teens tend to seek out different ways to seek out physical pleasure. Kissing and hugging becomes more of the norm after puberty. And then Sex can become an important form of pleasure for teens.

There is not a "magical age" where young adults can have sex, children mature differently. It is our responsibility as parents to accept our children's needs for pleasure as they grow up and to talk to them and prepare them emotionally to be responsible and safe in the activities they undertake.

So Moms and Dads out there, can you accept the fact that we all have a desire for physical pleasure, even our kids? Do you think like the Europeans or do you have the mindset of most Americans? It's all up to us as parents to determine what is best for our own children, for me, I say what's so wrong with good safe consensual sex?