So You Find Out Your Teen is Sexually Active

So you find out your teen is sexually active? Now what?

Well you can scream and holler, lecture, ground them, take away all their priveldges, or send them to boot camp? Or you can realize that they are just growing up and that this is the beginning of them becoming young adults. No parents look forward to their children becoming sexually active but it can and does happen regardless of the parental values. So what do you do when you find out?

Assuming your teen knows about safe sex and both the physical and emotional pitfalls that can result from a sexual relationship, there really isn't much more you can do other than remember that they are still the same child that you have raised for all these years and provide them guidance and support in their decision. They are not going to stop having sex just because the parents tell them not to and they will continue to find places to do it.

So I say...let them explore their sexuality, give them their privacy and let them know that sex is and can be a very wonderful experience and is nothing to be ashamed about. Let your child know that sex is a private matter between them and their partners and allow them the freedom and privacy to learn about sex in a healthy and safe environment. Teach them that there is much more to a relationship than sex but also that sex is an important part of a loving and committed relationship. The attitudes our children have about sex in their teen years will be the attitudes they will continue to have as they become adults. Once they become sexually active...we want our teens to know how to be responsible, safe, and develop a healthy outlook on this part of a relationship.

I don't think that any parent would ever encourage their teenagers to have sex, but on the other hand once they take this step we should accept their decision and allow them the ability to explore and discover their sexuality in a positive way.

How comfortable are you with your sexually active teen?

One of my mom's groups has a poll asking.."how comfortable are you with your sexually active teen?" The poll gave various choices ranging from no acceptance at all...all the way to under my roof so I know they will be safe and comfortable. As of now there are over 500 votes and the leading vote getter was the "under my roof."

Even as sexually positive as I am, these poll results surprized me, because in my own group of friends my parenting style is in the minority. Sleep overs in my house are a common occurrence and my daughter is in a very committed and loving relationship. But to find that there are so many people in that group that share my views was eye opening.

So I'm trying to figure out why this poll was so much different than I experience with my own group of friends. Could it be because this group attracts more liberal minded moms, or could it be that people can be more open with their views with the annonymity of the internet? I really don't have an answer but I did feel somewhat validated in my parenting style knowing that so many other parents accepted their children's sexual activity to the point that they preferred it was conducted at home in a safe and healthy environment.

Does anybody have any thoughts on this? I just found it very interesting.