So You Find Out Your Teen is Sexually Active

So you find out your teen is sexually active? Now what?

Well you can scream and holler, lecture, ground them, take away all their priveldges, or send them to boot camp? Or you can realize that they are just growing up and that this is the beginning of them becoming young adults. No parents look forward to their children becoming sexually active but it can and does happen regardless of the parental values. So what do you do when you find out?

Assuming your teen knows about safe sex and both the physical and emotional pitfalls that can result from a sexual relationship, there really isn't much more you can do other than remember that they are still the same child that you have raised for all these years and provide them guidance and support in their decision. They are not going to stop having sex just because the parents tell them not to and they will continue to find places to do it.

So I say...let them explore their sexuality, give them their privacy and let them know that sex is and can be a very wonderful experience and is nothing to be ashamed about. Let your child know that sex is a private matter between them and their partners and allow them the freedom and privacy to learn about sex in a healthy and safe environment. Teach them that there is much more to a relationship than sex but also that sex is an important part of a loving and committed relationship. The attitudes our children have about sex in their teen years will be the attitudes they will continue to have as they become adults. Once they become sexually active...we want our teens to know how to be responsible, safe, and develop a healthy outlook on this part of a relationship.

I don't think that any parent would ever encourage their teenagers to have sex, but on the other hand once they take this step we should accept their decision and allow them the ability to explore and discover their sexuality in a positive way.

Are Kids More Sexual Today?

There is alot of talk these days about how kids become sexually active younger these days. So I ask do you really think kids today are any different than we were when we were that age?

Obviously the media directed to our youth has much more of an influence today than it did when I was young but I think that may not be entirely bad. Kids today are much better informed about drugs, sex, and drinking than we ever were. When I grew up the word "rubbers" was whispered and today the word "condoms" is used often and not in hushed tones.

Growing up I knew what "rubbers" were and yes there was the pill, but it's not something we talked about. Girls my age were considered trashy if it was known we were having sex, but boys were considered studs. My mom talks about girls that got pregnant in her day, having to go visit their "aunts" for the duration of the pregnancy. And many of us were having sex back then, but there was no sex education in school and we were taught to save ourselves for marriage.

Today many of us have open discussions with our teenagers about sex. Yes, we even talk to our kids about safe sex. Young girls having sex today are not considered the sluts of the world and I think it's safe to say this sterotyping is finally fading from our society. Sure there are still many parents that expect abstinence from their teens but there are more of us today than there were years ago that accept teen sexuality and promote safe sex.

I do not think teens today are really any different than they were when i was growing up, however I think the media has done a better job of educating both teens and parents, and has made sexuality a topic that can be discussed more openly and not in hushed tones. Can you imagine the public reaction if condom ads and birth control ads appeared on TV 20 years ago? And who ever heard the words "erectile dysfunction" back then? Today human sexuality is a topic that can be discussed and our kids are much better informed than we were. Kids aren't having more sex today than we did, it is just more accepted today and our kids are better educated than we ever were.

So instead of blaming the media for teen sexuality, thank the media for making sex a topic that can be discussed openly.

Safe Sex Really Can Be Safe Sex

So many times you hear parents saying that the only safe sex is abstinence. They put the fear of God into their kids heads about std's and getting pregnant that they miss out, or at least in my opion, they miss out on letting their children grow into happy healthy well adjusted adults.

Most common forms of birth control these days are 99.9% reliable when used correctly. Yes there are some that are not quite as effective but when talking about the pill, the patch, depo, the nuva ring and others, the reliability is proven...but they must be used correctly. The same with condoms, when handled and used properly. (condoms are stated to be 85-98% effective but the testing does not include proper handling or usage.)

So what I'm saying, if you have a belief system that premarital sex is wrong, that's ok explain that to your children but do not use the fear tactic of there is no such thing as safe sex. Everyone has their own beliefs that they try to instill in their children and that is a parent's job.

If on the other hand you have come to the realization that your children do or might someday have sex, then education on the proper use of birth control and condoms is so very important. You can't just say here are the condoms good luck and have fun. And you just can't send your daughter to Planned Parenthood and hope she gets on something. Oviously it's important to talk to the gyn about what method is best for each girl and do your research, but most women can find something that is to their liking. And don't forget to talk about the need for condoms and their proper usage. There is much more to know than just sliding it on the male partner.

The point of this blog, (c'mon get to it Barb) is that yes there is such a thing as safe sex for both teens and adults. If your child is sexually active, do your research and talk to your gyn, and explain in detail the proper use of birth control to your teen. It's even better if you have the discussion with both your teenager and his or her partner at the same time. It's important that in any relationship both parties have a full understanding. If your like me and your kids understand the proper use of birth control, then you can relax in the knowledge that your children will be safe and can learn to explore and enjoy their sexuality without worry. And even if you do not believe in premarital sex, please do not scare your children into thinking that if they have sex they will get an std or become pregnant.

Just my thoughts for the day! Love me or hate me, I'm Barb!