What Do You Teach Your Kids About Sex?

For many parents, it's hard enough to talk to their kids about sex but should you teach them about sex as well? Hopefully most parents discuss the emotional consequences of sex, std's, pregnancies etc. And we all have to discuss sex with our kids in the framework of what we as parents believe. But once the basics are covered and we are accepting of our teenagers sexual activity, what kind of conversations do we have next?

Anyone reading this probably knows that I think sex should be a wonderful enjoyable experience in committed relationships, whether it be adult or teen relationships. I've always explained to my kids the importance of:

1. Continually talking to their partner about sex.
2. Exploration..learning what both parties enjoy and not being afraid to try new things.
3. Understanding that both parties in a relationship need to feel fulfilled, it's not just a one way street.
4. Being aware that sex is only one part of a healthy relationship.

It's also important to realize that all kids are different. My oldest daughter is much more private and our conversations regarding sex are usually brief and limited, although she does know that I'm always willing to listen if she wants to talk. My 16 yr old on the other hand, is my talkative and inquisitive one. Although she does talk alot and has always had many questions, in most cases I don't pry into the specifics of her sex life, there are somethings that even i don't want to know lol.

But with both my girls I have always felt that the sex talk needs to go beyond the safe sex aspects. It's important that they know how important it is that both parties talk about sex and just don't do it without any conversation. Explaining what is enjoyable and what isn't is what keeps a relationship evolving and growing. Being willing to explore various activities is the only way we find out what gives us pleasure and what does not. There are many resources for all of us to learn about new techniques or different activities. There are books, movies and online sites that are wonderful resources for people of all ages. Especially in the teen years, what they learn now is the basis for healthy relationships as they get older. And kids need to know that both partners have needs that should be taken care of, and a good understanding of the others needs is so important. And most importantly, sex is good, sex is fun, sex is exhilarating but there is much more to any relationship than just good sex.

I think if we can make our kids aware of the above, they will develop into emotionally healthy, happy adults with a strong sense of who they are and this will go a long way into developing strong relationships in the future.

Safe Healthy Enjoyable Sex

I just read a post in one of my groups that got me riled up. A few Moms were talking about how they wouldn't provide condoms to their teenagers. They said they wouldn't provide condoms and they wouldn't allow their kids to have sex. Jesus Christ...what are these people thinking? Now how in the hell can you prevent teenagers from having sex once they decide to do it? Do these moms think they can just tell their kids that they can't have sex and the kids will listen? WTF?
Ok now I admit I'm pretty liberal and as I've posted before I think sex can be wonderful in committed relationships. Yes even for teenagers! Teens have the same sex drive as we adults do, they maybe have an even stronger desire for sex than we do. You can't just say, no don't have sex and no I won't provide you condoms or birth control. That is a sure recipe for unwanted pregnancies. If you tell your kids how bad sex is and how wrong it is....how do you expect them to be able to talk to you and come to you for guidance? All that is accomplished is to force the kids to sneak around and many times engage in unsafe sex.
Now I don't think casual sex for teenagers is a good thing at all, but it is our job as parents to talk to our kids, make them know they can talk to us about anything, and keep the lines of communication open. By doing this, we can hope they will listen to us and come to us when they have serious issues they are dealing with. Kids need to know that they can say "NO" to sex but they also need to know to be safe when and if they do decide that they want to take that step.
Finding out your teenager is sexually active can be a traumatic experience for parents, but it's a fact of life that nowadays many kids will not wait until marriage to start having sex. So we as parents can either accept it and guide our kids to be happy, healthy and safe, or we can say OMFG, no way, you can't have sex.
As your teenagers grow up, it's important to listen to them, talk to them and not be judgemental. I'm definitely not saying we should encourage our kids to be sexually active, but many kids will take that step and we need to be there for them. Kids need to know that once they take that step it is something they can't get back, but it can also be a very wonderful experience that enhances a loving committed relationship.
So my point in all this rambling is, talk to your kids, listen to them, and don't freak out when you find out they've had sex. Be willing to get your daughter birth control, have the condoms available and hopefully our kids will learn to have healthy loving relationships when the time comes. I'm sure not everyone agrees with this post but it's just my humble thoughts.