As our girls grow up we have talked to them in age appropriate terms about their bodies and have had the birds and bees talk. So what do we tell them about sex when they hit the teen years and think they are ready to lose their virginity?
1. Respect: respect for their bodies and themselves. They can only lose their virginity one time.
2. Safety: If they are going to have sex they need to protect themselves. This includes how to put on and take off a condom safely along with the many birth control options available. And also a visit to the gyn or clinic for a discussion with a professional.
3. Independence: The decision to have sex should be a decision they make, not because they are pressured for any reason, but because the relationship has reached that stage where both partners are comfortable in taking the next step.
4. How to say No: Every girl matures at different ages and stages and they need to know how to say no to any or all sexual activities they are not ready for or comfortable with.
5. How to say Yes: Undestanding that sex can be a wonderful thing when they are both physically and emotionally ready.
6. Sex is not bad: They need to understand that sex can be good in the right situation, when both partners are physcially and emotionally mature enough.
7. Intercourse is not the only way to have sex with a partner: There are many other options, including mutual masturbation to experiece sexual pleasure and if a girl is not ready to have intercourse she should be aware of the other options and be willing to let her partner know.
8. Masturbation is healthy and normal: A young girl needs to know that exploration of her own body is a very normal function and is not something that they should ever be ashamed of.
9. Communication: Before having sex with a partner it is important that they both are able to talk with each other about their bodies, their readiness, their fears and their desires and the physcial and emotional consequences.
10. Don't expect fireworks the first time: For most people, the first time, is a learning experience and many times the expectations and anticipation far exceed the initial experience. They need to undesrstand that the first time may not be as wonderful as they thought it would be.
11. The first time should be planned, discussed, and made a very special occassion: They will always remember their first time and as parents we would hope that it is a memorable and mature decision. We do not want them to have sex the first time in the heat of the moment where physical desires override the brain.
12. Allow plenty of time and privacy for the first time: The back seat of the car or the basement with mom and dad upstairs, is not the mature way to lose their virginity. Once the decision is made to have sex, then they need to find a safe place without interuptions or fear of someone hearing them. Planning where and when is just as important as the decision to lose their virginity.
13. If at all possible discuss with mom or dad or a close adult friend or relative the decision to have sex prior to making this decision. This does not always happen and it's understandable, but before they make the decision to become sexually active, it would be best if they felt comfortable enough to talk to someone who has been there before.
14. Being mature enough to be able to talk to their partner: After the first time and even subsequent times, it's important to be able to express to their partner what they like, what they don't like. What feels good, what doesn't and what limits they will place or boundaries that they will accept.
15. Undestanding the consequences: Although sex is wonderful, teens need to be aware that there are consequences. The emotional pain of a breakup with a sexual partner can be devastating and they also need to be aware of the physical consequences of pregnancy or sti's, when the sex is unprotected.
16. Sex is a private matter between two consenting individuals: Sex is not a notch in somebody's belt or a way to show how "grown up" they are to others. It is an intimate experiece that should be mutually shared with a partner in a committed relationship in a private setting.
It's not easy for any of us, regardless of how liberal we might be, when we discover our children have had or are getting ready to have sex. But sex is a natural part of the human makeup and it is our responsibility as parents to guide our children into making rational and mature decisions. I know this does not always happen but we can only hope that it works out that way.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
If everyone followed those steps there would be alot less problems about teen sex (and adult sex too!)
Even the moms/dads that try and get the kids to talk to them - it doesn't always work. But that doesn't mean we stop trying.
I have found this at just the right time. Thank you, you speak so much sense.
Post a Comment