Ewwwww Please Don't Call Me "Permissive"

I just hate when people call me a "permissive" parent. To me that word connotates that all things go and that I am an uncaring parent who lets my kids do what they want when they want. It's true, I don't like rules and never have. To me most rules are barriers that inhibit curiosity, exploration, education, and independent thinking. I believe that establishing guidelines for children, having open and strong communication, and setting high expectations is much more effective than establishing arbitray rules. It's important that children know and understand the core values of the family, and these core values become the basis for the guidelines that are set. The core values in my family are:

1. Safety in all aspects of life is important; this can be anything from staying away from drugs, no drinking and driving, practicing safe sex, or not running into the street blindfolded.

2. Respect for yourself and others; Treat everyone with respect, you don't have to like a person but you must always respect them as individuals. Treat yourself with respect, this means both your body and mind.

3. Honesty with everyone including yourself; Dishonesty and lying only causes bigger problems, be true to yourself, your friends and family. The hurt caused by lying is much deeper than the hurt that comes from the action being lied about.

4. Work hard in everything you do; whether it be at school, work, an outside activity or a group event. I have long told my girls that I am prouder of them when they work their hardest and get a C in a class than a class they get an A in where they don't have to work hard. Success in llife will come faster for the overachievers faster than the brainiacs.

I have always believed that if I live my life according to these core values and stress these values to my children, the major decisions in their life will be the correct ones. Or at least I hope so. And no, i'm not perfect and I am not always batting 100% in following my core values but they are the foundation with which I try to live my life and hopefully these are passed on to my daughters. Sure my daughters are not perfect either but at least they have a foundation which they try to follow most of the time.

So no, I definitely don't consider myself a "permissive" parent, but I am understanding, practical and loving. I am involved with both my girls school work, all of their activities, their friends and our lines of communication are open and strong. Call me what you want, call me liberal, call me open minded but please don't call me "permissive." End of my rant