Teaching Teens: Intimacy Does Not Always Mean Intercourse

Many parents of teenagers are so worried about their teenagers having sex that they disapprove of almost any physical contact their children have with their partners. What parents do not realize is that physical contact is something that is a natural instinct. Parents love to hold their children, we kiss our children, and we hug our children, it is how we express our affection for them. And this is something children learn from an early age, so why is it so difficult for parents to accept their children having physical contact with others as they get older.

Physical contact does not necessarily mean intercourse, although as relationships evolve, intercourse may happen. I think as parents we need to teach our children that intimacy can be holding hands or kissing or cuddling, it doesn't always have to be intercourse. We all have different belief systems and the values we instill in our children will hopefully guide them as they grow into mature and responsible adults.

Young adults are no different than we are as parents, they have a need and desire for love, whether it be parental love or the emotional love they get from being with a partner. When our children hold hands, kiss, or hug their boyfriend or girlfriend at the time, they are just expressing affection, which is a need all of us have.

That's why it is so important for us to teach our children that intimacy and seeking pleasure is a normal and healthy desire that we all have and that there are many ways to express intimacy, without engaging in intercourse. Sure many times intimacy leads to intercourse but if we teach our children alternative forms of intimacy, it can prolong their need to engage in actual sex.

Kissing, hand holding, hugging are all very safe activities that are healthy in any relationship. As relationships become more serious, intimacy can take the form of masturbation or mutual masturbation, and a variety of foreplay activities. Obviously the urge to go further than this is great however if we teach our children that there are ways to enjoy intimacy without actually having intercourse, hopefully they can prolong their virginity until they are in long term committed loving relationships.

So when we have the discussions about sex with our children we need to understand their needs for affection but also talk about the act of intercourse not being the only way to express their intimacy. There are many other ways for our young adults to experience pleasure without having actual penetration. We need to be open with our children as they grow, and not be afraid to have open and honest discussions.